


Ookami in the middle

by bisexualtelepath



Series: Irregularity: A D&D Group Chat AU [4]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work, The Irregulars - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Fluff and Humor, dog theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 07:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16013597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualtelepath/pseuds/bisexualtelepath
Summary: Althaea: GuysAlthaea: Where is OokamiDad: I thought you were going to the gym?Bongo Bastard: DOG WHAT DOG IDK HERDragonborn Bitch: *thotAlthaea: The punching bag wasn’t up so I went easyAlthaea: Where is my fucking dog





	Ookami in the middle

[September 18, 2018, 4:47 PM]

**Althaea:** Guys

**Althaea:** Where is Ookami

**Dad:** I thought you were going to the gym?

**Bongo Bastard:** DOG WHAT DOG IDK HER

**Dragonborn Bitch:** *thot

**Althaea:** The punching bag wasn’t up so I went easy

**Althaea:** Where is my fucking dog

**Bree!:** Althaea! Are you home??

**Althaea:** Who do I have to murder

**Bree!:** No one! Ookami’s with me!

**Dragonborn Bitch:** I was expecting more suspense tbh

**Althaea:** Then why is Laz lying 

**Bongo Bastard:** I’VE NEVER TOLD A LIE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

**Bongo Bastard:** HOW DARE YOU

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Laz and Bree took Ookami p much as soon as you left for class

**Bree!:** RUDE

**Dragonborn Bitch:** B)

**Althaea:** Orias

**Althaea:** Where is my dog

**Bree!:** oh sure we told ORIAS when we were trying to be SNEAKY yeah uh huh

**Bree!:** because we’re IDIOTS

**Bree!:** sorry dad

**Dad:** I mean that’s fair

**Bongo Bastard:** He saw us get the leash so we made him turn around

**Dad:** I took an oath you guys. It’s a sacred oath

**Bongo Bastard:** I TOoK a SACreD OaTh yOu gUYS

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Not lying seems so boring tho like how

**Dad:** Not lying??? Isn’t difficult????

**Bree!:** Sounds fake but ok

**Dad:** I’m more concerned with how appalling you people find the idea

**Dragonborn Bitch:** “you people”

**Dad:** Liars, yes

**Bongo Bastard:** Whys this gc so salty today

**Dad: @Look at my Son!** Is the only one who gets me

**Bree!:** [ https://tenor.com/view/sure-john-cena-gif-5783187](https://tenor.com/view/sure-john-cena-gif-5783187)

**Bongo Bastard:** *why can’t we be friends plays in the distance*

**Look at my Son!:** I mean

**Look at my Son!:** I don’t… LIKE to lie

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Because you’re not good at it

**Look at my Son!:** I’ve met worse liars

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Orias doesn’t lie, he doesn’t count

**Look at my Son!:** ... I’ll admit that is not good for me

**Althaea:** Okay

**Althaea:** Ookami is not in the house

**Bree!:** o fuck I forgot this was happening

**Althaea:** You took bags, his leash, and turned off his food dispenser. Good job.

**Bongo Bastard:** We did a good!!!!

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Wait for it

**Althaea:** But if you do not tell me where he is in the next ten seconds, I swear to any god you want I will rip you both to bloody, bleeding shreds.

**Dragonborn Bitch:** That’s our girl

**Althaea:** And then FEED YOU TO OOKAMI

**Althaea:** 10

**Bongo Bastard:** oh god

**Bree!:** Laz don’t you dare fuck me on this

**Bree!:** Think of the payoff

**Dad:** I really doubt this is worth dying over?

**Bongo Bastard:** UH

**Althaea:** 9

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Shut up dad I wanna see Laz get straight up murdered

**Look at my Son!:** Guys I just got home and Althaea is… very angry

**Dad:** Althaea stop scaring our boy

**Bongo Bastard:** BREE WHAT DO WE DO

**Look at my Son!:** The word murderous does come to mind

**Althaea:** 8

**Bree!:** REMAIN CALM. CONTINUE THE PLAN

**Bree!:** SHE CAN’T KILL US IF SHE CAN’T FIND US

**Dragonborn Bitch:** She’s… a ranger…..

**Bree!:** REMAIN SLIGHTLY LESS CALM

**Look at my Son!** _changed_ **Althaea** _’s nickname to_ **Ranger Danger**

**Bongo Bastard:** I DON’T WANT TO DIE

**Ranger Danger:** 7

**Bree!:** YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE

**Bongo Bastard:** WE’RE IN THE PLAYGROUND NEAR THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL OKAY PLEASE DONT KILL US

**Bree!:** L A Z A R U S  P I N E W A T E R

**Dragonborn Bitch:** LOL

**Bongo Bastard:** I PANICKED

**Look at my Son!:** She just… took off running.

**Look at my Son!:** Right out the door.

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Press F to pay respects

**Dad:** F

**Look at me Son!:** F

**Dragonborn Bitch:** F

**Bongo Bastard:** Ookami sneezed it was cute and I’d like to say that counted

**Bree!:** we can’t run either

**Bree!:** we’re sitting ducks awaiting our inevitable murder

**Bongo Bastard:** I’M SORRY

**Dad:** Should I… come too? To make sure she doesn’t actually murder you?

**Bongo Bastard:** Aren’t you in the library? 

**Dad:** 1\. I haven’t done any work since this started unfolding 

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Mood

**Dad:** 2\. I have a car

**Bongo Bastard:** Oh yeah! Then sure!

[4:56 PM]

**Dragonborn Bitch:** You guys dead yet

**Bongo Bastard:** Nope

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Shame

**Bongo Bastard:** I mean okay

[5:02 PM]

**Ranger Danger** _ sent an image to  _ **The Irregulars** **™.**

**Ranger Danger:** Vroom vroom motherfuckers

**Bongo Bastard:** WHAT

**Bongo Bastard:** DID YOU STEAL A CAR

**Bree!:** THAT’S ORAIS’ CAR WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK  **@Dad**

**Dragonborn Bitch:** GODS what a plot twist

**Ranger Danger:** He saw me running so he gave me a ride 

**Ranger Danger:** What a good dad

**Bree!:** I can’t BELIEVE

**Bongo Bastard:** Bree-lieve?

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Fuck you

**Bree!:** Get out of my house

**Ranger Danger:** I hope you’re proud of that. You’re last joke.

**Bongo Bastard:** Okay, tough crowd

[5:07]

**Bree!:** OKAY I SEE Y’ALL PULLING UP

**Bree!:** DON’T COME ANY CLOSER

**Ranger Danger:** That’s fine.

**Ranger Danger:** I can shoot you both just fine from here

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Wow I got chills

**Bongo Bastard:** Don’t you want to know what we were doing tho????

**Bree!:** that’s terrifying but no if you come closer Ookami will run to you

**Ranger Danger:** GOOD POINT HERE I COME

**Bongo Bastard:** oh god if I die Gerald gets nothing

**Bongo Bastard:** Oh wow that was really cute actually!!!

**Dragonborn Bitch:** ????

**Dad:** Althaea and Ookami ran to each other like in a movie it was very cute

**Dad:** Soft

**Bree!:** he better not have messed up his nails

**Bongo Bastard** _ sent an image to  _ **The** **Irregulars** **™.**

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Aww

**Look at my Son!:** :’)

**Ranger Danger:** ...What is on his nails

**Bongo Bastard:** Nail polish! You two match!!

**Dragonborn Bitch:** You two risked your lives… to paint a dog’s nails

**Look at my Son!:** Valid as heck

**Dad:** Wait is nail polish safe for dogs?

**Ranger Danger:** I DON’T KNOW 

**Bongo Bastard:** We got a pet safe one! That was Bree’s idea

**Bongo Bastard:** I picked the color though bc you know… green! 

**Bongo Bastard:** You guys match now!!! Please don’t kill us

**Bree!:** can I come out yet

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Where are you

**Bree!:** hiding

**Look at my Son!:** Oh that’s smart you’re smart

**Ranger Danger:** ... they’re really pretty

**Bongo Bastard:** ! ! !

**Bree!:** is this a trick

**Dad:** UM

**Dad:** Someone please help emotions are happening I can’t

**Bongo Bastard:** Emotions are good!!

**Dad:** She’s… crying….

**Bree!:** WHOOPS HERE I COME

**Dad:** How did you even get up there so fndsjfkfafjdk

**Dad:** jewu385utehusifq2ewas DJASDF

**Dragonborn Bitch:** I’m gonna assume you all just died

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Thank gods tbh

[5:09 PM]

**Bongo Bastard:** No it was a group hug!

**Bongo Bastard** _ sent an image to  _ **The** **Irregulars** **™.**

**Dragonborn Bitch:** Oh 

**Look at my Son!:** A happy ending!

****Dragonborn Bitch:** Gross **


End file.
